loreweaver:

vampireapologist:

anyway I’m browsing vampire fetish forums like I usually do to cheer myself up and this girl asked if there are any hot vampire dudes out there looking to hook up or if they’re simply too hard to find and someone replied “Not With a body like your you just got to find one. I am not vampire but I am not mortal. I am Tuath Dé. you are cute message me”

and I have not gotten over this and probably never will.

“sorry I’m not a vampire but I AM an ancient Irish deity. Ur cute hmu”

like Im fucking REELING I want this to be real for the sheer ridiculousness of it. never in my life have I wanted more for magic to exist on this Earth than in this moment.

this post is twelve different kinds of fantastic but I’d like to take a moment and crop out my absolute favorite thing about it which is

Mobster/Gangster Damien AU

cymbalthunder:

Me: *thinks about Damien because I will never be over WKM*                            

My brain: So what if he was like, a bad guy?                                                    

Me: …

Me: Tell me more

————

“Damien you old boy! You look great! What’s it been, ten years since I last saw you? High school?” Harold hugged the mayor tightly, as he came in his office to greet him

“I’m sure it was less than that, I was at you’re campaign rally a few years back,” Damien smiled at his old friend.

“Oh really?” Harold held him out at arms length, looking him over, “How come I don’t remember you there?”

“Maybe you were a little fried?”

“I never drink on the job Damien! I would never dream of doing that at a campaign rally, especially with all that banning and bootlegging.”

“Right.”

Harold was one of those types that you just couldn’t not like. He never forgot a face, and even if you did, he’d come running up to you and demand to know how you’d been. Whether it had been two hours or two years made little difference.

He was also the type to follow the rules exactly. Something about him just couldn’t not follow the law.

Of course, for a politician it was a useful skill, which he definitely put to good use in the state legislature. Not that he’d ever dream of abusing it or his position.

That’s why Damien had asked him over in the first place.

“I can’t imagine why you can’t think of it, we were talking for ages, catching up. I’m almost hurt that you don’t remember. Is that memory going away with age Harry?” the mayor grabbed his cane of his desk, smirking.

“Very funny. You were always a kidder, a real hit with the dames! I’m surprised you don’t have two on your arm with your job!” Harold wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’m married to my work Harry.”

“Don’t surprise me in the least, you always were a hard worker.”

Damien spread out his hands in mock defense. “Is that such a bad thing?” He chuckled, before grabbing hold of his cane with both hands, wringing them slightly. “To be frank, I didn’t invite you here just to catch up.”

“So the truth comes out!” The pair laughed before Harold’s gaze turned serious. “What’s the matter? Something’s on your mind Damien.”

“I heard the state’s meaning to make some major changes, and I’m a little concerned.”

“Like what specifically? Gotta give me more than that,” the state senator’s mouth tugged a little into a slight smile. “There’s plenty of bills going around up in Sacramento.”

“There’s talk about more strict voting laws going around.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I’m a publicly elected official Harry! Voting concerns me! And what does that mean for my city?” Damien wrung his hands a little more frantically along his cane.

“Los Angeles is gonna be hunky dory. I don’t know why you’re worried, you’d be the last person I’d think it effect.”

“Why is that?”

Harold smiled, clapping Damien on the shoulder. “We’re trying to catch the criminals with voter fraud. A lot of gangs have been going around messing with our system for too long! It’s time we take back our cities and legislatures! Everyone who’s been elected the right way is gonna be just fine.”

Damien looked away, towards the floor.

“Well if that’s all-” Harold turned to leave.

“I don’t think you should vote for the bill Harry.”

Harold turned back to his high school friend. “What?” He shook his head uncomprehendingly.

“You shouldn’t vote yes,” Damien looked back up at the senator. His previously concerned gaze had hardened, and his hands were still.

“Why not, what’s the big deal? I thought you of all people would be thrilled about this! We’re cleaning up the streets!” Harold grabbed hold of Damien’s cane, “I don’t see what’s wrong here.”

“Harry, I think it’s your best interest to reconsider,” the mayor yanked his cane out of Harold’s grip, turning away.

“Why’s that?”

“Because-”

Click! The sound of a locked door had Harold turning to see four men at the door who had not been there a minute ago. “Damien-”

“We don’t want to get anyone hurt, now would we?” the neutral expression on Damien’s face had pulled into a snarl. All emotion had left his eyes, replaced with a cold, calculating stare. He leaned on his cane, back arching slightly as he looked into Harold’s eyes.

“Damien, what’s the big idea-” The state senator stopped as he felt the muzzle of a gun dig into his back.

“We’re just here to talk Harry,” the mayor spat out the nickname. “That law won’t do much good to anyone once it’s passed, pigeonhole the stupid thing and move on.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not right! I shouldn’t! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, letting these guys strong arm you like this,” Harold flinched as the muzzle dug deeper into his back.

“Strong arm me?” Damien scoffed. “Please. I run this town. Everything that goes on here is my business. Guys like them,” Damien motioned to the mobsters that had surrounded Harold. “They keep this town bearable. And if I get a cut to stay out of the way, that’s an added bonus.”

“Damien-”

“That’s enough outta you,” The mobster closest on his left spoke up. “He gave ya a request. Are ya gonna follow it, or keep runnin’ your mouth?”

“I… “ Harold looked down before making contact with Damien.

“You what?”

“I won’t do it.”

Damien sighed. “Fine, if that’s how you want to play it.”

Harold’s head whipped to the side as the mobster who had spoken pistol-whipped him in the face. With his tommy gun. He grabbed his face, feeling blood dribble down from his almost certainly broken nose.

The state senator yelped as the butt of the gun hit him in the stomach, causing him to collapse in a heap. Harold pulled a hand from his nose to rub his abdomen, but stopped as he saw how red it was. That was a lot of blood.

The mobster moved to aim his gun at the statesman once again, Harold leaning back at how close the muzzle was getting-

“Wait Al.”

Harold looked at up at the mayor. Maybe Damien had changed his mind. Maybe he had realized just how serious this was. These men were criminals, terrible, horrible-

“Not in here, I just had the carpet cleaned. I don’t want to be liable for anything, especially with all those stories they’re running in the papers.”

Harold stared up at his old friend in disbelief. “What?” He croaked.

“Get him out of here.”

The senator flinched as two of the mobsters gripped his forearms while the third levelled his gun at him. “Damien, old buddy, old pal-”

“You lost your chance Harry,” Damien’s voice was completely devoid of a emotion. “Tell Christine I’ll be a little late for my one o’clock on your way out will you?”

“Damien!” The mayor rolled his eyes at the fading screams of the statesman.

“I was hoping I could change his mind,” Damien cracked his neck, feeling the tension leak out of his body as he leaned off his cane. “Shame, I actually rather liked him in school.”

“For your trouble.”

The mobster Al threw a wad of cash at the mayor, smiling as Damien caught it one-handed. The mayor thumbed through the bundle, frowning as he reached the end. “You’re a little short this week.”

The gangster shrugged. “How about all the moonshine you can buy at Rio’s?”

The mayor’s eyes flashed at the name of his favorite speakeasy. “I already have that.”

“Not full kegs.”

Damien nodded slightly, staring down at the cash, “There’s a detective that’s been creeping around lately. Take care of him and it’s a deal.”

“As long as that DA of yours don’t press no charges.”

“You can be rest assured of that. What do you say?” The mayor held out his hand to shake, “Deal?”

420doorcinemaclub:

when my family went to disney world we went on the haunted mansion ride and this actor dressed as a skeleton came up to our cart and got right in my three year old brothers face and whispered “are you scared?” and my brother kissed him on the nose and the guy laughed so hard he had to leave